The dream of being a mother, and bearing and raising a baby is something I have ached and longed for from the time I was a little girl. And now that it's here and I'm living it everyday I feel happier than I've dreamed possible.
On Tuesday January 8th my younger sister Eliza was induced to have her baby girl. I spent several hours with her in the hospital offering any support and comfort I could until my Mom arrived. And while there at the hospital I was asked several times by nurses if I too needed a room, I assured them my baby wasn't due until the 19th and under my breath said "besides if I do go into labor I'll have my husband rush me home!"
As I observed Eliza's experience laboring, an epidural, giving birth, and the and routine policies and procedures done at the hospital my decision to have a natural home birth was reconfirmed. Though giving birth in a hospital is the right fit for some, I knew it was not for me.
The next night on the 9th I started having strong persistent contractions. I was up all night timing and breathing through them using the relaxation techniques I'd learned. At five am I called my midwife Cyndi. After examining me she found I was fully effaced and dilated to a two. Frustrated to be progressing so slowly after a long sleepless night I took Tylenol pm at Cyndi's direction and went to sleep.
Cyndi came back at ten am with Lisa her birthing assistant,(Lisa is also a NICU nurse and has assisted in many births with Cyndi) because my contractions were closer together. However when Cyndi and Lisa arrived my contractions became further spaced apart, so I went back to bed with Ry and they went to lunch.
When they came back from lunch things were still moving slowly so they set up their "birth supplies" and went home to wait for my call. Uncomfortable and frustrated at the slowness of my progression I had an hour long bath sleeping, relaxing, and practicing my meditation scripts through the contractions.
At two thirty when I got out of the tub my contrations or surges, (surges is another term for contractions with a more positive connotation that we liked to use) were one minute apart. Ryan called Cyndi and she stayed with us the remainder of the day, and night, and early into the next morning until my baby was sleeping in my arms.
Throughout the labor and birthing process
I felt supported by Ryan both emotionally and physically. He was attentive, thoughtful,(getting me drinks, suggesting new positions to labor in, holding my hand, letting me lean on him, helping take the edge off the surges by pushing on pressure points, lighting candles, turning on relaxing music, taking pictures, and updating family via texts and phone calls) and he was with me every step of the way.
Though Ryan was nervous and unsure if he'd be able to help me he had a calming influence on me, and it strengthened our marriage, and friendship to share the birth of our son.
For six weeks we took Hypnobirthing classes together from an incredible teacher. These classes helped us learn to relax together, work better as a team, and helped us envision the kind of labor and birth we wanted, and learn what steps we needed to take to make that happen. I can't imagine having a natural birth, or any birth for that matter without taking this class. Next to having a knowledgeable, capable, and caring Midwife the things we learned and practiced daily from this class were the most crucial piece of our birth experience.
During the course of the labor I threw up three different times, had hot and cold flashes, violent chills and shakes, along with all of the pain from a uterus working to push a baby out. It was amazing how much my body was able to go through.
Throughout the labor I used deep breathing techniques, recited positive affirmations, Ry recited the scripts we'd practiced and I was able to work through much of the pain in a relaxed and calm state. Does this mean I did not experience pain, that I "like pain" as some have asked, or that I had something to prove? NO!! It means that these things worked for me, that being in my own environment, being able to control how I sat or laid, when I drank or ate, how long I stayed in the tub, and when I pushed was up to me.
For some the thought of having a baby at home is terrifying, and "crazy". I don't judge other women and their experiences or tell them how they should have their babies and I expect the same from them! Yet it was amazing how much controversy I got before and even after our birth experience. I learned the importance of associating only with those who had positive things to say about my decision especially at the end of my pregnancy so that I could surround myself with only positive reaffirming thoughts and feelings.
Whenever I laid on my back for vaginal exams the pain was always much worse than when I crouched, leaned, rocked back and forth, or stood. I can't imagine having to lay on my back all through labor. If I'd had to lay on my back on a hospital bed I can see how an epidural would be very tempting.
Since I tested positively for strep B Cyndi put me on an IV drip as I lay on the couch about five hours before I had Ashton. Cyndi's knowledge, professionalism, experience, and calm presence relaxed and reassured me throughout my pregnancy, labor, birth, and post baby care.
There were many times during my pregnancy when I felt alone because of all the negativity and fear others shared about our choice to have a home birth. Through it all Cyndi offered support, a listening ear, positive feedback, and a was the friend I needed to go forward with this incredibly personal and important decision.
In the evening when I was feeling fatigued, and in intense pain Ry gave me a blessing at Cyndi's encouragement. The words of the blessing were beautiful and encouraging, and peace and calm filled our home. Being able to share that experience brought Ryan, Cyndi, Lisa, and I closer as we continued to work to bring our baby into this world.
Cyndi, Lisa, and Ryan were all attentive to my every need. Taking turns massaging, comforting me as I threw up repeatedly, offering words or encouragement, and giving Ry and I time to be alone as we worked together through the labor made our experience private, and more relaxed.
Around seven or eight pm I called my Mom,(she was in Las Vegas with my sister and her new baby), to tell her it looked like our baby was coming nine days early! Not sure how comfortable my Mom was with the whole home birth scenario, and not being sure how quickly I'd progress this was the first she knew of me being in labor. As talked to her between surges she realized I was progressing more quickly than I realized, and made the arrangements to get here as quickly as she could.
Shortly after talking with my Mom Cyndi checked my progress and found I was fully effaced, but only dilated to a 5, and my water still hadn't broke. If we didn't have the baby in the next several hours we'd have to set up another IV, and my energy level was beginning to wain, so anxious to get things moving more quickly we opted to have Cyndi brake the water. Can you say pain?! Ouch! Thankfully though as soon as she broke the water things progressed quickly. It took all day to dilate to a five,( had I done a hospital birth they'd have sent me home multiple times, I can't even imagine how discouraging that would've been), but after my water broke things progressed rapidly.
Cyndi admitted to me later that before she broke my water I had the look of a caged animal in my eyes, where up to that point she said I'd had a hopeful look so at that point she knew it was time to push things along even though initially I said I didn't want to have any interventions performed.
Soon after having my water broken at Ry's urging I went back into the tub, ( I was so miserable by then that I didn't care where I had the baby as long as he came.) Using the water to sway through the surges and cool me down as I felt incredibly hot by then brought a small level of comfort. But at this point any comfort helped, and made a difference.
Soon after this my Mom arrived and joined us all in the bathroom. While in the tub surrounded by candle light, and soft music playing in the background I felt the need to begin pushing. It was amazing, my body instinctively knew it was time to push, and how to do it. I didn't need anyone telling me when and how to push, but let my body direct me. Cyndi was there by my side listening to the babies heartbeat, and occasionally helping direct the pushing as Ashton's head got closer to the opening.
Ry was able to feel baby's head as he crowned and encouraged me to do the same, but I was so intent on "getting him out" that I didn't want to break my concentration. Fifteen minutes after pushing Ashton floated to the top of the water, Ry then received him and laid him on my chest to begin our bonding outside of the womb. As the air brushed his little cheek he took his first breath while I looked down at him.
As I stared into his big beautiful grey-blue eyes I was shocked to be holding my baby. In complete amazement I uttered " I have a baby!" several times, and then all I could do was cry. I'd read all sorts of books on pregnancy, labor and everything leading up to this moment but in fear that I would miscarry or have a still birth I hadn't read anything or allowed myself to think past labor. I had no idea what to expect, or think about this next stage and I couldn't believe I actually had a baby after all the years of waiting, praying, fasting, blessings, tears, and hoping.
After Cyndi did an amazing job stitching up tears from my 8 pound 10 ounce 20.5 inch baby Lisa laid Ash on my stomach and we watched him "crawl" to my breast and feed for the first time. What a surreal experience.
Before Cyndi, and Lisa left around 2 am so I could sleep in my own bed with my baby next to me Ryan offered a family prayer to express our gratitude for the experience we had and for the beautiful, healthy baby we now held. Having everyone kneel on the floor around my bed is an image I'll never forget.
I felt such a sense of accomplishment having my baby naturally, and felt there wasn't anything I couldn't do after that. Though there were moments at the end when I cried out in prayer begging for help and strength, and moments when I didn't think I could keep going I wouldn't change the experience we had for anything.
Ashton's birth was everything I hoped it would be and more.
Our amazing midwife Cyndi Johson checking our little one's heart beat.
Cyndi pushing on pressure points during a surge.
Breathing and meditating...
Exhausted but filled with joy, and gratitude.
Ash getting ready to be weighed.
Ashton's first outfit.
Proud Daddy
I'm so glad my Mom was able to be here for his birth, and the first couple of days after. Her expertise, and gentle loving way with little ones continues to teach me. I have the cutest Mom!
